You didn’t let me off the hook this time.
I guess you’re very good at that. (And you actually look like a hook, too.)
All this time, ours was an endless cycle of denial and dropping hints (or just on my part).
Now, everything either falls apart or remains.
You ask me what my plans are? Well, I can’t tell you a thing.
I don’t even know for sure what I’m going to do anyways.
How I’ll go from here, how I’ll move forward? Nothing. I don’t know.
A part of me wants to despise you all the more.
A part of me wants to remain clinging to false hopes fueled by misled emotions.
I cannot proximately coexist with you and continue convincing myself that I’m over with whatever this is that I have for you.
I cannot afford to lose anyone else just because there is this “rift” that permanently changed the way we deal with each other.
If chances are that what I have for you will still matter after a short while, then it’s sad to see this flee as soon as I was certain of it.
But most likely, it’ll flee like all the “loves” I’ve had before. (Even if there’s such a thing as “never the same love twice”).
Don’t say sorry. You don’t have to.
It’s not your fault that I’m hurt by a twisted, strong attachment I imposed on myself.
You don’t have to pity me. I don’t need that. I told you I’m strong (it works on the surface).
You don’t have to fit in my shoes.
You’ve had it with these kinds of situations for as long as I can remember.
You’ve had your fair share of insults, ridicule and neglect. But I admire your threshold for pain.
Prior to this, I’ve written that we are all helpless if unreciprocated feelings remain unaccounted for.
Your questions will remain unanswered as long as I keep on withholding emotional baggage from too much time I spend alone with my scattered thoughts.
If you will be persistent to talk things through then let’s try taking that grueling path. Maybe diplomacy is key.
But before my mind takes me to another trail of thought, I’d like to leave you with saying that I really appreciate you, for all things shallow, cliché and petty.
I love you still, but never again I will.