It’s been a while since we last talked.
I knew you personally, and I even grew to like you a lot because I know you’re a really nice person.
But let’s cut to the chase.
I apologize for trying to steal him right in front of you.
I didn’t know you were seeing each other. I liked his company, and I guess he liked it back, maybe that’s why he kept me around.
I only knew you were seeing him by a chain of events:
First, when a little bird told me that he was seeing someone (at first I didn’t suspect it was you).
Second, when I did some sleuthing and cross-checked the evidences (yes, I did that using my skills as a special reports writer).
Third, when I finally confirmed it on a drunk, humid night with my friends. I really didn’t know about it. I swear to the very last drop of my blood.
When he forcibly asked me who was the guy I was writing about (which was obviously him), at first I didn’t want to tell it right away, because he didn’t tell me that he was seeing you.
It wasn’t fair that I spill the beans first.
Then he asked if I wanted to know who you were. I was really angry then, but I don’t know if I’m angry at you or at him, and also, I was really scared to hear your name because a lot of things will change.
I will never be able to look at you the same way again.
I will never be able to look you in the eye out of extreme, heavy guilt.
I can never even mention your name out of pure shame.
For this I apologize.
I apologize for flirting with him right in front of you.
I apologize for forcing him to have lunch with me instead of having lunch with you.
I apologize if I asked him out on a movie night only to flirt with him a lot and have him to myself.
I apologize for all the times that I hugged him and held his hands.
I apologize for writing about him so much.
I apologize for taking too much of the time he should’ve been spending with you.
I apologize for being a home-wrecker.
I apologize for being the bitch I promised myself I’ll never be.
But, do know that I was completely uninformed.
I am deeply hurt not because he turned me down because of you.
I am deeply hurt because a huge chunk of my ego was stepped on.
I will never know how you will view me as a person after the wrong things I’ve done to you.
I can never have the opportunity to personally apologize but do know that I am writing this sincerely, hoping that you would be able to read this and hear my side of the story (as he had probably told you his side of it).
But I’ll leave you with some unsolicited advice.
Don’t take care of him more than how you take care of yourself.
Don’t make him your world (he doesn’t even look like Earth, sorry).
He’s not really worth it (as I once thought he was).
And, leave some love for yourself.
He is his own set of insatiate insecurities he fears to address.
He’s been a loser. He won you over (and a handful of people), but there’s a void in him only he can fill.
And he’s yet to do that.
But again, I’m really sorry. I should’ve stayed in my lane.
Do know that I hope you guys are happy. If you guys work out in the long haul, I’ll personally congratulate you. But if things don’t, you can thank me later (and comfort food’s on me).
The Innocent Home-Wrecker