At the time being, I feel useless.
I’ve done nothing productive, nothing that’s really worth acknowledging.
I anticipated that this summer I’ll do the things I wasn’t able to do whilst I was in school, but guess what, none of those plans materialized.
Plans that are similar to some dreams that never came true.
I feel ashamed because I wasn’t able to grab that city hall internship because I was clinging to this seemingly pointless apprenticeship I once thought will give me a hefty paycheck after months of actually putting legitimate effort into.
I feel sad that I refuse to go out and see my friends because I constantly thought that “nobody really wants to see me anyway.”
I feel awful for not taking care of myself anymore. I grew tired of exercise and I continue to eat like a horse, well, unfortunately, much to my parents’ dismay.
I feel useless. I feel like I’m something worth disposing just because I wasn’t able to maximize all this vacant time in my hands.
I keep reasoning out that this time is my “much needed rest” because the tougher years of college are on my way.
I even grew tired of pretending I’m doing something worth bragging about, because the truth of the matter is, I am not doing anything at all.
Yes, I maybe well-rested but I feel like I’ve done the world a wrong thing.
I don’t really know what to feel. I have no words. I feel a certain kind of self-decay.
Everything seems pointless to me. I think I have nothing and no one to look forward to anymore.
So, here’s to feeling useless.