Us, but not just yet

This is my first time to write about you.

But not about us. I hope I would though, but not just yet.

It was scary to get into something like this from the beginning, because we met in the same manner I was reluctant to have welcomed someone in my life around seven years ago.

I know getting to know you was risky, but I took the chance. I knew it would be painful in the end, but I was never scared to invest.

After all, I think I had feelings to spare.

From then on, everything was a blur, and I don’t know how we really got this far. I’m in my happiest time in college now (as graduation is right around the corner), but being with you is like a cliché “double-edged sword” thing.

I wanted to leave, but the thought of you wanted me to stay.

Leaving would be really nice and liberating, but thinking about how I’d be around you as much as I can after uni saddens me.

I told you a lot of times now (since we started talking a lot) that I feel we have too much ground to cover, yet we have so little time.

It feels unfortunate to have met you at a time wherein I’ve set my eyes upon things beyond the university’s four walls. But, amid all the crazy shit I have went through so far in this last stretch– you were my best distraction.

Getting my hopes up was never an option for me, as this was the downfall of all the associations I’ve been in before. You have made it crystal clear to me that this was just plain “hanging out” and there’s nothing really romantic about what we have going on.

As you pointed that out, I did not know where I stood in your life, and where you should stand in mine.

I went all out too early on in this thing, I went all out too early for you. I am used to being like this, but why do I always convince myself that investing too much is okay?

Again, maybe because I had too much feelings to spare, and I thought you were ready for that.

Regardless, I hope I can stay in your life as much as I can, and as much as I will. I want to enjoy this exclusivity, because we both feel comfortable this way, and with you, routines felt new.

Being around you, I knew not all good things come in great packages. Your life was messy (as you think it was), but I enjoy being with you as you wade through your chaos.

I want to be there, because there, I have you (at least).


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